The keystone of my technique is a simple but very powerful truth: the shortcut to trust is caring.One of the feelings that develops over time and which naturally leads to trust is the sense that the other person cares for you and your well-being. That means more than having shared interests or similar beliefs. Caring represents a personal connection that transcends the reasons or circumstances that brought the two of you together. Caring is perceived as an emotional bond that goes far deeper than a shared mercenary interest.

Normally, the feeling that someone cares about you builds slowly and incrementally through small and subtle acts and statements. These might include gestures like bringing you a cup of coffee, coming outside of a private office to greet you at the door, or asking about your family with obvious interest. Over weeks and months such little actions lead to a sense of caring and translate into a feeling of trust. The trusting relationship is like a giant fortress that’s actually built from little pebbles of caring behaviors.

My technique involves using as many of these caring behaviors, both subtle and obvious, as I possibly can, as quickly as possible. In effect, I overwhelm the other person with signs that I care for them as a human being. That allows them to trust me within twenty-four hours of meeting me. I make sure people who call for appointments are treated well. I insist my staff greet clients warmly when they arrive at my office, taking their coats, offering them coffee, tea, or water, asking if they’d like to use the rest room or telephone, and showing them to a comfortable chair. I always come out of my office to greet clients. I smile and introduce myself, using their name as well as my own, and express my gratitude for their coming. I repeat all the offers earlier made by my staff, making doubly sure they were extended. I openly tell my staff not to disturb me with calls unless they’re emergencies. I personally escort the clients into my office where we sit around a table. During the course of the consultation I ask about the client’s physical as well as their business or financial health, and their home as well as their work environment. At first, I listen more than I talk, leaning forward in my chair and looking them in the eye when they speak. After we discuss their problem, I give them something from my office to take home, whether it’s the pad they borrowed to take notes, or a book they might find useful or interesting. I once again escort them out of my office and repeat all the offers made when they first arrived. I thank them for coming into my life and shake hands with greater intimacy and warmth than when they arrived, this time using both hands. Then, later that day, either I or someone from my office follows up over the telephone, asking if they had any questions or needed anything else prior to their next visit.

Spelled out this way, my techniques sound very obvious. That’s because they are. But what’s also conspicuous is that they’re for real. Sure they’re conscious, but that doesn’t make them any less heartfelt. I do care about my clients. I am concerned with their physical well-being and comfort. I want them to feel welcome and at ease in my office. All I’m doing is demonstrating what I feel and think through my words and deeds. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve and letting them see it. My technique is no more mercenary than saying “please,” “thank you,” or “you’re welcome.”

Is my system manipulative on some level? I suppose so. But I don’t believe that makes it bad or wrong. I’m not using it to twist people’s arms into buying something worthless, or con them out of their life savings. I’m simply trying to quickly create sufficient intimacy for me to be able to help them overcome their problems. I’m not using these techniques to pull unsuspecting people into my office. I’m using these techniques to assist those who have come in on their own, looking for my help. And then, I’m teaching the same techniques to all my clients and readers. I guess I’m saying the ends and my motivation justify my means, and that the ends you’re pursuing and your motivations should also justify the means.

If being openly warm and caring can today be construed by many people as Machiavellian then it says more about our current business environment than it does about my techniques. And if everyone practices the technique I espouse what will happen? We will all be more civil, polite, and kind to one another while overcoming most of our problems.