Business Blog 2.0

Preinterview fear about the interviewer liking you is always a cover for a lack of confidence in your interpersonal skills. Your problem isn’t “what if they don’t like me,” it’s “my communication skills need work.” On the other hand, if this is a post interview fear, and you believe the other party didn’t like you, it is your problem. Whether it’s a presenting or actual problem, it’s a single obstacle rather than a cluster or series.

Focus on facts, not feelings. If your fear of not being liked is expectant, you’re being emotional. Focus on improving your interpersonal skills instead. If your fear of not being liked is extant, however, it’s a rational problem you’ll need to address directly. Expertise, while always important, generally isn’t a contributing factor in getting someone to like you.

The shortcut to getting someone to like you is the same as the shortcut to getting someone to trust you: show them you care about them. If in garb, language, manner, and action you demonstrate your respect, concern, interest in, and appreciation of the other party, they should like you.

Notice I used the word should in the prior sentence. Unfortunately, there are instances when no matter what you do, you can’t get someone to like you. There are many in this world who will not like you simply for what you are, how you look, or where you came from, rather than who you are as an individual. It’s disheartening, but even in business, a field in which judgments should be made based on the bottom line, there are people who will dislike you because of your religion, the color of your exterior, or the place you were born. It’s worthless to directly appeal to them for reconsideration because their no is entirely irrational. No added facts can make a difference, since the no isn’t based on facts.

Your only hope of turning such a no around is to appeal to a third party with a connection to the organization, asking them to intervene. Unfortunately, unless they’re someone with influence over the person who rejected you, this effort is usually a forlorn hope. A discriminator will never admit his or her irrationality and can only be forced past their prejudice with internal pressures.

What’s your problem? Job hopping is usually your actual problem. Your ability to repeatedly search for and land jobs demonstrates you’re not afraid of job hunting and you’re confident in your personal skills and abilities.

If job hopping is uncommon in your business, then it’s likely an umbrella for a cluster of problems dealing with your being in the wrong industry or profession. Rather than looking at your job hopping as the problem, try to determine the reasons for the job hopping. What are you looking for that you haven’t found? Why do you leave your jobs? What is it about the new positions that entice you? If job hopping is common in your industry, then your excessive movement is a single problem . . . and not as much of one as you might fear.

Your job hopping is only an objective problem if it’s uncommon in your industry or profession. If it’s common practice, yet you’re not happy about it, you’re looking at it emotionally rather than rationally. If everyone else is job hopping too, then it won’t be a problem for employers, and it shouldn’t be a problem to you.

Obviously the key information to uncover is whether your job hopping is unusual in the context of your industry. If it isn’t, then you’ve all the information you need to defend yourself against external or internal doubts. If it is, you need to research your own job history, demonstrating that each move has been a logical one, made to a position of greater responsibility. Analyze your own career to the degree that you can make a case for your movements being a logical progression.

In a business in which people move around often, you’ll never be able to generate sufficient trust for someone to believe you’ll be there for the duration. All you can do is show your sincerity to stick around for as long as the job is rewarding and fulfilling. This isn’t that big a deal, since in such a business no one expects any more from you. If you’re in a business in which people don’t shift jobs often, you’ll need to pull out all the stops to demonstrate your belief that, after many years of searching, you’ve finally found a home.

If you’re rejected because of excessive job hopping your best chance at turning the no around is to offer additional facts that demonstrate how this job fulfills your needs in ways previous jobs did not. However, as with all job-hunting problems, your time is short, since there are probably other qualified candidates.