Pretense and pomposity raise everyone’s hackles. Conversely, unaffected modesty is the most universally endearing trait. Yet being humble runs contrary to popular wisdom, which says that if you don’t blow your own horn no one else will. I believe there is a middle ground, which actually gives you the best chance to turn no into yes.
Being humble doesn’t mean denigrating your skills or achievements, and it doesn’t require you to keep others from blowing your horn. Don’t be a blatant self-promoter, but at the same time, don’t refuse credit when it’s due. When someone compliments you on a job well done, express your gratitude for their words. Never say, “It was nothing.” Instead say something like “that’s what you pay me to do,” or “I’m just earning my fee.” Then, ask the satisfied client, customer, or superior to spread the word about your skills and abilities, noting that it would especially mean a lot coming from someone as respected as them.
You can also demonstrate personal humility, which will carry over into your business reputation, by asking for personal help or favors. Most people enjoy granting minor requests, especially if they involve a personal interest of theirs. By asking for a small favor you put yourself in the position of supplicant and the other person in the role of benefit factor. By giving them a chance to do something they like, and then get thanked for it, you’ll have boosted their ego and their trust in you.
This technique worked wonders for Paula Tanzeri. Paula had come to me for help in negotiating an employment contract. An upper-level executive at a major international auction house, Paula was in the unenviable position of having to negotiate directly with her immediate superior, since he was the only one with the power to make these kinds of decisions. After four days of back and forth discussions, Paula and I could tell the tenor of the meetings was about to turn for the worse over the weekend. In an effort to show some humility without backing down on any of her business demands, Paula sent her boss a personal note, asking if she could borrow a pair of antique candlesticks he cherished for a dinner she was making that coming Friday for her future in-laws. He immediately called Paula and said he’d be happy to lend them to her. On Monday morning she sent him another personal note, expressing her heartfelt thanks. That afternoon’s negotiating session was friendlier and more productive than any held the previous week.
