Business Blog 2.0

A psychotherapist is trained to dig behind presenting problems by asking leading questions. I’ve learned to uncover the real no by looking at financial documents and asking pointed questions. But neither therapists nor I try to practice this technique on ourselves. How then can you uncover your own real problems? There are three ways.

First, you can always speak to a therapist or contact me if you have the money or inclination. I’m using the word therapist in a looser manner than it’s commonly applied. If you have what you perceive to be a personal finance problem, I’d suggest using as your therapist a fee-only financial planner (one who charges by the hour rather than taking a commission on sales) with whom you feel some rapport. If you perceive your problem to be business related, I’d look for a small-business consultant to be your therapist, finding one through the chamber of commerce, the nearest SBA office, your state’s small-business development center, the local office of the Service Corps of

Retired Executives (SCORE), or your trade association. If you perceive you have a career problem, you can ask your professional team if they can recommend any career counselors to serve as your therapist. If they don’t know of any candidates, contact the career and placement offices at the largest local college and ask for names.

Second, if you have the time you could also start writing about your problems in a journal. Writing about issues often provides sufficient distance to see things clearly. Take out a legal pad or notebook and begin describing your situation. Write down your fears and worries, as well as your goals and dreams. Describe what you think will happen if you fail and what you believe will happen if you succeed. Then, put the pad or notebook away for at least twenty-four hours. After a day’s reflection, read what you’d written. Does it make sense? Do your fears accurately reflect reality, or are they exaggerated? Viewed objectively, on the page, does it seem that you’re focusing on the right problem?

It’s obvious I don’t think it’s always necessary to speak with a therapist or someone like me. And, unless you have a rare gift for self-analysis, even months of journal writing might not lead to a breakthrough. That’s why I think the third technique is the best way for you to uncover your true problems: find yourself some problem mentors. Actually, you probably already have them, and you simply need to start using them more often.

Don’t you ask your spouse or a sibling for advice on dealing with your mother? Haven’t you gone to a friend for suggestions on a problem you’re having with your wife or husband? “When you were thinking about buying a home, didn’t you ask your parents for their opinions? Do you have a group of coworkers you rely on for help in navigating office politics? Are you often calling your mentors for suggestions about career directions? Before you make business decisions do you speak with your partner, lawyer, accountant, or your friend who runs a similar operation?

Obviously the answer to all these questions is yes. We each have an entire network of people we go to for help with our personal and business problems. Generally, however, we only turn to them for help in making decisions. My suggestion is that you turn to your network of problem mentors much earlier. Rather than asking them for opinions on how to solve your problem, ask them for opinions on what really is your problem. And listen closely. They are invariably right.

Problem mentors can uncover true problems so effectively because they have a fresh, unbiased perspective on your problem. Problem mentors can discriminate among your problems. None of your problems are right in front of them, so they’re not going to automatically lock onto whatever problem is most obvious. Since they’re not bringing the same emotional or psychological baggage to the issue as you are, they’re going to be able to tell whether a problem is real or imagined, important or minor. Since it’s your problem, not their own, their perceptions of your problem won’t be influenced by your patterns of behavior and thought.

The next time you feel you have a problem, turn to someone who knows you and whose opinion you trust. Tell her the facts. Explain what you’re feeling. And then ask her what she thinks your problem is. If she agrees with your analysis, that’s great. If she doesn’t, listen closely to what she says. She’s probably right. In either case you’ll have figured out your real no.

I need to offer one caveat, however. It can be a mistake to use your spouse or lover as a sounding board for problems with which he or she is also involved. Couples tend to naturally polarize. If one is a neat freak, the other will become a slob. If one is a spendthrift, the other will become a miser. If one is compulsively early, the other will become compulsively late. Obviously, this polarizing needn’t be as extreme as I’ve portrayed it, nor does it need to be consistent (the neat freak in the house could be the slob in the car). Still, it happens to nearly every couple. This can cause difficulties in problem solving. Your partner might not be able to overcome his or her natural tendency toward balancing you and be able to give you an unbiased analysis. That’s why it makes sense for your mate to be one of your business problem mentors, but perhaps not one of your personal problem mentors.

There are three ways you can become an expert and, in the process, help overcome your business problems. Each has its advantages and disadvantages.

The first way to become an expert is to receive some formal schooling or training. The advantage of this method of becoming an expert is that it provides you with an official endorsement: you’re getting a seal of approval. The disadvantage of pursuing such formal endorsement is that it’s time-consuming. In all honesty, such an approach is rarely used by my clients, since it takes such a long time. Most of my clients come to me “in extremis” and therefore can’t rely on a long-term educational program to help them turn a no into a yes. The handful of times I’ve encouraged a client to use this technique have been when I was consulting with a young person, just out of college, who was looking to develop a strategic career plan. For most of my clients, two months, let alone two years, is too long.

The second way to become an expert is through public research. This involves going to the library and looking through books and periodicals, doing searches of online databases, and gathering any other already public information you can. It’s truly incredible how much free intelligence you can gather on a specific person or a company simply by consulting the public record. If you’re willing to pay for research, say by purchasing a report on a private company or individual from an organization like Dun & Bradstreet, you can obtain even more. The advantages of public research as a method of becoming an expert are that it’s quick and relatively easy to do. For the cost of an hour online and an hour of their time anyone who’s computer literate can come up with a great deal of information. The disadvantage of this approach is that it’s not likely to yield any surprising or unique information. Public research will let you become as much of an expert as anyone else . . . but not more. It’s a defensive technique: it insures you won’t be surprised. However, it’s not going to give you the information to spring any surprises of your own.

The third method of obtaining expertise is to conduct private research. This involves working the telephone and turning your personal network into an information network. Remember, no man (or woman) is an island: there are ways to reach everyone. And bear in mind that, even though it has become a clich, there really does seem to be only six degrees of separation between any two people. In other words, it may take you at least six telephone calls, but you should be able to get information on anyone by expanding your own network.

Let’s say you’re looking for information on that banker you’re asking for a line of credit. Private research would involve calling your accountant and attorney and asking if they or anyone they knew had any information on the banker. It would include putting out feelers at the chamber of commerce and Kiwanis Club meetings, asking if anyone had relevant information, or if they could steer you to other sources of information. The advantage of private research is that it can provide you with unique and possibly very valuable information.

The disadvantage is that it’s not easy to do and can be time-consuming. Private research works wonders when it comes to one-on-one negotiations or problems that seem to defy logic. It’s an aggressive technique that can provide you with the key to make a personal connection or to solve a stubborn puzzle.

The keystone of my technique is a simple but very powerful truth: the shortcut to trust is caring.One of the feelings that develops over time and which naturally leads to trust is the sense that the other person cares for you and your well-being. That means more than having shared interests or similar beliefs. Caring represents a personal connection that transcends the reasons or circumstances that brought the two of you together. Caring is perceived as an emotional bond that goes far deeper than a shared mercenary interest.

Normally, the feeling that someone cares about you builds slowly and incrementally through small and subtle acts and statements. These might include gestures like bringing you a cup of coffee, coming outside of a private office to greet you at the door, or asking about your family with obvious interest. Over weeks and months such little actions lead to a sense of caring and translate into a feeling of trust. The trusting relationship is like a giant fortress that’s actually built from little pebbles of caring behaviors.

My technique involves using as many of these caring behaviors, both subtle and obvious, as I possibly can, as quickly as possible. In effect, I overwhelm the other person with signs that I care for them as a human being. That allows them to trust me within twenty-four hours of meeting me. I make sure people who call for appointments are treated well. I insist my staff greet clients warmly when they arrive at my office, taking their coats, offering them coffee, tea, or water, asking if they’d like to use the rest room or telephone, and showing them to a comfortable chair. I always come out of my office to greet clients. I smile and introduce myself, using their name as well as my own, and express my gratitude for their coming. I repeat all the offers earlier made by my staff, making doubly sure they were extended. I openly tell my staff not to disturb me with calls unless they’re emergencies. I personally escort the clients into my office where we sit around a table. During the course of the consultation I ask about the client’s physical as well as their business or financial health, and their home as well as their work environment. At first, I listen more than I talk, leaning forward in my chair and looking them in the eye when they speak. After we discuss their problem, I give them something from my office to take home, whether it’s the pad they borrowed to take notes, or a book they might find useful or interesting. I once again escort them out of my office and repeat all the offers made when they first arrived. I thank them for coming into my life and shake hands with greater intimacy and warmth than when they arrived, this time using both hands. Then, later that day, either I or someone from my office follows up over the telephone, asking if they had any questions or needed anything else prior to their next visit.

Spelled out this way, my techniques sound very obvious. That’s because they are. But what’s also conspicuous is that they’re for real. Sure they’re conscious, but that doesn’t make them any less heartfelt. I do care about my clients. I am concerned with their physical well-being and comfort. I want them to feel welcome and at ease in my office. All I’m doing is demonstrating what I feel and think through my words and deeds. I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve and letting them see it. My technique is no more mercenary than saying “please,” “thank you,” or “you’re welcome.”

Is my system manipulative on some level? I suppose so. But I don’t believe that makes it bad or wrong. I’m not using it to twist people’s arms into buying something worthless, or con them out of their life savings. I’m simply trying to quickly create sufficient intimacy for me to be able to help them overcome their problems. I’m not using these techniques to pull unsuspecting people into my office. I’m using these techniques to assist those who have come in on their own, looking for my help. And then, I’m teaching the same techniques to all my clients and readers. I guess I’m saying the ends and my motivation justify my means, and that the ends you’re pursuing and your motivations should also justify the means.

If being openly warm and caring can today be construed by many people as Machiavellian then it says more about our current business environment than it does about my techniques. And if everyone practices the technique I espouse what will happen? We will all be more civil, polite, and kind to one another while overcoming most of our problems.

Hating your career is certainly problematic, but it’s a large general difficulty that encompasses a set of smaller more specific hurdles. You’re not Superman. You can’t go from the starting line to the finish tape in a single bound. Try to, and you’ll end up failing and frustrated. Instead, you need to break the race down and work at overcoming each individual hurdle. You need to divide that one giant no into a set of smaller nos.

Frustrated is an understatement for how Vince Cerano felt when he first came to see me. From his outward appearance, however, Vince seemed totally together. Impeccably dressed and groomed, with a deep tan and the handsome good looks of a young James Caan, he seemed the personification of self-confidence. The veneer crumbled after two minutes in my office. Vince began recounting an endless stream of problems, and recounting them at such a rapid rate that even I, with years of experience listening to New Yorkers, couldn’t keep up. After I finally got him to slow down I was able to piece together the story.

Vince was a home builder. For five years he had owned his own carpentry business. He was doing okay financially, but hungered for more. Vince had grown up in an upper-middle-class family. Both his parents were schoolteachers. Though they outwardly accepted his desire to work with his hands, he always sensed they were somewhat disappointed in his choice of professions. When two other contractors, a roofer and a foundation specialist, came to him with the idea of forming a partnership, he jumped at the chance.

For a few years things were great. The three partners began by buying odd lots in already developed areas and putting up individual, single-family homes. With all three of them working on each job they were able to keep costs under control and meet their deadlines. They’d take the profit from one job and use it to finance the next. Eventually they also moved into renovation work, gutting and renovating “handyman specials,” and then reselling them for a tidy profit. Finally, after five years, they bought a large plot of land in an exurban area. One of Vince’s partners had learned that a new corporate park was about to be built nearby, dramatically increasing the demand for homes. The three partners, subcontracting out much of the work, quickly built ten nouveau Victorian homes, sold them all, and made a small fortune.

From there the business boomed. It now made less and less sense for the partners to do any of the actual work themselves. In feet, the former foundation specialist bought a winter home in Florida and announced his intention of spending more time golfing than pouring cement. The now ex-roofer divorced his wife of twenty years, bought an Italian sports car he could barely squeeze into, and was spending a small fortune wining and dining, allegedly for the company. Vince’s tastes ran more to Hugo Boss suits and weekly manicures. After only two years of this type of extravagance the bottom began to fall out of the business.

Because the three partners were so busy spending money, there wasn’t sufficient supervision of one of the company’s developments. Not only was it delayed and over budget, but the final workmanship was shoddy. The first handful of homeowners who had bought off the plans and the model complained bitterly about the problems as soon as they took up residence. Vince and his partners hadn’t kept any financial cushion, and they had tapped their credit out building the development. In order to pay for the necessary repairs they needed to sell more of the homes. But the current homeowners made sure to warn every visitor about the situation. The homeowners then sued Vince’s business. The construction loan fell into arrears and the bank was threatening to take over the development. And with the business in a nosedive Vince had no income. He could no longer afford the mortgage on his own house.

Vince came to me in search of a magic bullet: a quick, painless cure to all his business problems; basically he wanted my help in turning back the clock. It took me a good hour and a half to unravel all the threads in Vince’s story. And in that time I tried to point out to him that he wasn’t facing one problem, a foiling business, he was facing a cluster of interconnected problems. I suggested that it was his attempt to solve all his problems at once that was leading to his frustration and feeling of impotence. Instead, I urged him to start examining each problem individually.

Together we compiled a prioritized list of his problems. Though he had been focusing on his business, it was clear that Vince’s most important problem was his lack of a stream of income; without money coming in the most pressing nos for Vincent were no food on his family’s table and no roof over their heads. We made getting a job his first goal. Simply by concentrating on one specific obstacle, Vince’s spirits stabilized. Within four weeks Vince found work as a construction manager for a firm he had worked for and with in the past. It wasn’t the income he was used to, but it did keep the wolves from the door. Those first two nos had been turned to yes.

Over the course of the next two years I worked with Vince, dealing with one problem after another. At one point in the process he accepted that rather than trying to save his business he should just try to disentangle himself from the whole mess. Today, Vince is in business once again, as a partner in the construction management business he first joined as an employee.